day 47

3o minutes sitting after sanzen. I mentioned to my teacher that sometimes, when counting the breath, I go way past 10 without noticing. She laughed and told me I don’t need to count any more. So I didn’t, and realised how much it’s been getting in the way. I will still count involuntarily – and that’s fine, I won’t fight that. But I won’t try to count either. I’m also going to stop “scoring” my discipline. This was intended as a way to show what proportion of my zazen was clear-minded. But it inevitably sounds more like a self-critical review of the sit, which isn’t helpful. On another note, sometimes now, when I sit, I can almost instantaneously fall into a meditative state. This feels like progress – it’s not something I really experienced last year. A misty morning. Autumn has arrived and is making itself known.